It was dark outside when Donald answere the door. She had said she would be there at 6 o clock but now it was more like 9.00. She was late and asked if she could spread peanut jelly all over him

For a moment he thought she might be a lunatic. But she didn't seem quite as psychotic as most of the people he'd met latelty so he opened up a jar.

Donald made a living nowadays as a cat

.............

She spent days trailing around after him, collecting video footage for her net site and listening to stories about the time Shiela Tequilla and he had "been too much for Naples".

The pantomime developed loosely around the tale of Cinderella. Donald was Donald, the Prince was a frump, the Sista a laugh and Buttons a hard bitch

It all went well until the night of the performance, when, after drinking the free vodka, Donald fell down the stairs

She got pissed and puked up

and the hotel fire alarm went off at 5.00am in the morning. They all looked dog rough, except for Donald who had matching blue cotton Pyjamas.

They never found out "who done it" but they all moved to Balham.