It was dark outside when Donald answere the door. She had said she would be there at 6 o clock but now it was more like 9.00. She was surrounded and asked if she could be alone

For a moment he thought she might be a dinner lady from peckham. But she didn't seem quite as psychotic as most of the people he'd met latelty so he impressed her with his marvelous judy garland impersonation.

Donald made a living nowadays as a matthew kelly stand in

.............

She spent days trailing around after him, collecting video footage for her net site and listening to stories about the time Shiela Tequilla and he had "been too much for Naples".

The pantomime developed loosely around the tale of Cinderella. Donald was Donald, the Prince was a fake fake fake, the Sista a south london slapper and Buttons a pimp

It all went well until the night of the performance, when, after drinking the free vodka, Donald barfed

She set her self alight (too much meths)a

and the hotel fire alarm went off at 5.00am in the morning. They all looked dog rough, except for Donald who had matching blue cotton Pyjamas.

They never found out "who done it" but they all went on to appear on stars in their eyes