*** The Goodtimes Email Virus***
Goodtimes will re-write your hard drive. Not only that, but it willscramble any disks that are even close to your computer. It willrecalibrate your refrigerator's coolness setting so all your ice creamgoes melty. It will demagnetize the strips on all your credit cards,screw up the tracking on your television and use subspace fieldharmonics to scratch any CD's you try to play.
It will give your ex-girlfriend your new phone number. It will mixKool-aid into your fishtank. It will drink all your beer and leave itssocks out on the coffee table when there's company coming over. It willput a dead kitten in the back pocket of your good suit pants and hideyour car keys when you are late for work.
Goodtimes will make you fall in love with a penguin. It will give younightmares about circus midgets. It will pour sugar in your gas tankand shave off both your eyebrows while dating your current girlfriendbehind your back and billing the dinner and hotel room to your Visacard. It will seduce your grandmother. It does not matter if she isdead. Such is the power of Goodtimes; it reaches out beyond the graveto sully those things we hold most dear.
It moves your car randomly around parking lots so you can't find it. Itwill kick your dog. It will leave libidinous messages on your boss'svoice mail in your voice! It is insidious and subtle. It is dangerousand terrifying to behold. It is also a rather interesting shade ofmauve.
Goodtimes will give you Dutch Elm disease. It will leave the toiletseat up. It will make a batch of Methamphetamine in your bathtub andthen leave bacon cooking on the stove while it goes out to chasegradeschoolers with your new snowblower.
Listen to me. Goodtimes does not exist. It cannot do anything to you.But I can. I am sending this message to everyone in the world. Tellyour friends, tell your family. If anyone else sends me another E-mailabout this fake Goodtimes Virus, I will turn hating them into areligion. I will do things to them that would make a horsehead in yourbed look like Easter Sunday brunch.
Your network manager.
P.S. This also goes for the penpal and deeyenda viruses.