Virgin mirth

Alert the Daily Express at once. The ICA is selling plastic packets of what looks like semen, billed as 'Immaculate Conception'. These are available in the HAYVEND art vending machine (an old tampon dispenser) in the bar. The sperm of the devil is the work of east London artist Andrea Draper, who has signed them all. Her latest Christmas offering is 'The Blood of Christ', on display earlier this year at Tower Hamlets College. This comes in a soup tin with a cover of Grunewald's 'Ascension' and is marked '100 per cent organic, not tested on animals, no added sugar, no artificial colouring'. Upon opening the tin, Sidelines discovered what appears to be hot chocolate. 'I was a Catholic schoolgirl, so it all stems from that,' says up-and-coming artist Draper. "The Blood of Christ" is about consumerism and religion becoming big business.' Both gifts are available by mail order. 'Blood of Christs' are £15, 'Immaculate Conceptions' are £5, cheques to Andrea Draper, from Atom, Po Box 8549, SW8 47A. The ICA has not, as yet, been picketed by irate Christians. An ICA spokesperson explained: 'Our punters aren't likely to be churchgoers.' Sidelines trusts that the ICA is insured against bearded blokes overturning tables.